As you know, we are uni students and as such we have very busy schedules. We find it difficult to manage our time between sleeping, eating and occasionally attending class. With that being said, we would now like to share with you the harsh reality of being a student.
1. You will reinvent yourself
Everyone starts university with the hopes of becoming a better version of themselves. However, this is nothing but wishful thinking. Side note: We would like to take this opportunity to personally congratulate those that HAVE reinvented themselves. You defy the odds. We too started out with this ideal sense of hope, only to see it wither away in front of us. We thought that a simple change to our appearance, such as cutting our hair, would initiate a transformation that would rival that of Laney Boggs. But alas, dramatic transformations should be left to the plot lines of teen movies. So learn from our experience readers, it ain’t gonna happen.
2. Everyone will accept you
Are you sitting down? If not, please do. University is supposed to be a place where everyone welcomes you with open arms. But let’s be honest, no one cares if you’re an individual, nor does anyone care if you dare to be different. People will only accept you if you’re willing to be a sheep and follow the herd. We should also mention that if you do not adhere to the dress standard, you will be shunned. Thinking about wearing your pyjamas to your 8AM class? Think again.
3. No one notices your lack of attendance
Are you the quiet type that thinks you will go by unnoticed? Well friend, prepare to be reported to your faculty if you fail to attend class because we can guarantee that you will be identified as a ‘student at risk’.
4. Group assignments mean less work
Don’t even get us started on group assignments.
5. It is one big party*
Note the asterisk. We do not deny that it is a party, because it most certainly is. However, if you are yet to establish yourself as a party animal, or you are a loser like us, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you will be spending your Friday nights on the couch, watching Game of Thrones and eating your way to the fresher five.
6. Everyone is poor
We don’t know about you, but at our university, it is not acceptable to have anything less than a BMW, so if you own a shit box, then be prepared to park 3 blocks away to avoid the embarrassment of being associated with a car valued at the same price as the owner’s sunglasses.
7. Your parents don’t control you anymore
So you’ve recently flown the coop, which means that you are out of the grasp of mother hen. Wrong. She is watching your every move. Another macca’s run, really? We are under the false pretence that once we leave home; we are free to do as we please. Although this may be somewhat true, be aware that your parents will ALWAYS question your life choices. Here’s a few possible questions you might be asked at the next family gathering: Is your course even relevant? What are your career prospects? Will you be able to pay back your student loan? And the most ridiculous of all, why haven’t you found a decent job yet? People can work and study, you know. So get out your pen and paper, because I assure you that unless you take some notes, your parents will never be satisfied.
8. You will build up a tolerance to alcohol
If you haven’t gained a tolerance by the time you have started university, you probably never will. After all, what is that expression, you can’t teach an old dog, new tricks? Again, we take this opportunity to applaud those certain individuals who are immune to the affects of alcohol. You must have had years of practice during your misspent youth. Well done, you not only break the law, but also give into peer pressure. A little word to the wise, if you do plan on improving your tolerance, here are two rules we live by 1) don’t mix spirits, and 2) don’t beat yourself up the following morning when you realise you’ve made a fool of yourself, because it is bound to happen anyway. After all you’re a loser.
9. You will find your significant other
Unless you plan to leave the house and put effort into your appearance, then you can immediately cross this off your list. First, you need to be noticed in order to make a connection. This would mean you possess qualities that are desirable. If you’re lazy, cynical and lack social skills like us, then you aren’t exactly a prime candidate. Sorry folks. Second, maintaining the connection is key. If you’re not willing to listen to him whine on about man flu, or share the remote control, then perhaps you aren’t suited for a relationship, and its time you tend to your cat(s).
10. There is a cure to hangovers
On the rare occasion that we drink, we usually drink to excess and make poor decisions in the process. The next morning we are left to face the consequences, and no amount of greasy food has ever changed this.
11. Cramming the night before won’t be beneficial
We speak from experience. This has ALWAYS gone in our favour, however if you plan on achieving high distinctions, then this probably isn’t the best approach.